And Yet Another Disappointment

I have just endured one of the most emotionally stressful weeks I've had in a long, long time, and every time I think it's going to get better (or that I've made it through without a breakdown), there's just one more thing. My knee-jerk reaction? Eat. And eat is what I've done all week even though my conscience has been screaming "STOP" the whole time. I just haven't cared. But now tomorrow is Monday, and NOW I care. I'm literally sick to my stomach right now. Too many sweets, not enough exercise... my body isn't used to this anymore, and it's retaliating. It's hard to explain, but I can FEEL that something's not right in my body. It just feels different... larger? bloated? full? I don't know how to describe it, exactly. I just feel yucky, and I've felt that way since Friday. The bummer is that tomorrow will be my sixth week of goal maintenance at WW which will make me a lifetime member (silver key charm and FREE membership). If I'm more than two pounds over my goal weight, it will set me back one more week. I came home from last week's meeting all revved up to lose the 1.2 pounds I gained that week. In fact, that was my goal. During the meeting we were supposed to make a goal for this week and describe two tactics we would employ to achieve the goal. My list: • track everything I eat • exercise at least three times. Pthhthhthththhth! I only tracked Monday's points, and I exercised ONCE! Pathetic. I'm so disappointed in myself. I feel like I've run a marathon and decided to drop out with only one mile left. I'm also disappointed in the fact that when it really comes down to it--when it really, really matters--I can't control my eating. That scares me and pisses me off. I get scared because I know that as long as those reactions are still there, there is still potential for me to gain it all back and live a life behind the bars of obesity. I get angry because I know (KNOW) what I'm doing to myself when I gorge and overeat. So the questions remain: How am I going to survive the next week without gaining still? How do I conquer emotional eating? How do I make healthy food choices when there literally are none? I will entertain any suggestions.

Almond White Chocolate Cookies

Okay, okay... I caught some slack last week for not posting on Monday. Who knew?? BUT, I did post two recipes the week before, so that ought to have held you over. =)

I spent the majority of the weekend readying for Christmas: Christmas cards, Christmas baking, and Christmas gifting. At first, I wasn't going to do Christmas baking this year simply because I didn't want to be tempted by them. But then it snowed on my birthday, and all I wanted to do was be home baking. So then I thought, I'll just bake everyone's favorites and not go overboard with all the little "extras." But then I went to my favorite "mart"s and found the cutest packaging ever. So then I decided, Okay. I'll just do a little of the extras -- just because I can't resist all the coordinating packaging, and I'll hand them out at work. But then my list grew longer and longer and longer... and I'm right back to where I start each December.

In addition to my Christmas repertoire of candied pecans, peanut butter blossoms, Russian tea cakes, pretzel bites, and snicker doodles, I always like to try something new. I stumbled across today's offering while I was fingering through my sunflower recipe box. I decided to give it a whirl, and boy... am I glad I did. After sampling one, my best friend's husband said, "This is a real Christmas cookie." I didn't get a chance to ask him to elaborate on his enthusiasm, but being that I've had three (or four) of these for myself today, they must be pretty much worth it. (Okay... maybe it's been five.)

Almond White Chocolate Cookies

1 c. (2 sticks) butter, softened

1 1/2 c. sugar

2 eggs

1 1/2 t. pure almond extract

2 1/4 c. flour

1 t. baking soda

1/2 t. salt

1 bag (8-10 oz.) white chocolate chips

1 1/3 c. (6 oz.) slivered almonds

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.* Beat butter and sugar in large bowl with mixer on medium until light and fluffy. Add eggs and almond extract; beat until well blended. Mix flour, soda, and salt. Gradually beat into butter mixture until well blended. Stir in white chocolate chips and almonds. Drop by heaping tablespoonfuls 1-inch apart onto ungreased baking sheets.** Bake for 10 minutes or until edges are lightly browned. Remove from baking sheets. Cool on wire racks. Makes 72 cookies. (No clue how many calories; don't really want to know.)

*I baked my cookies at 350 degrees just because my oven (electric) has a tendency to run hot.

**I bake everything on parchment instead of greasing (or scrubbing, for that matter) my cookie sheets. I also always use my mini cookie scoop (more cookies to share, less guilt when eating). I baked my cookies for 11 minutes and then let them cool on the pans before removing them.